Oliver (00:02)
Honestly, I wish it was that easy today. I wish when I was experiencing people being like, you’re not a real man, this or that I could just be like, I’m sorry, but I touched the worm.

Linda (00:14)
I was invited to film at one of the events from the opening week of Our Center, Casa BruMar Foundation’s LGBTQIA Community Center. The name tells you their mindset. It’s called Our Center. They want this to be a home for the LGBTQIA+ community in Prince William County. I spent some time with Evelyn Brumar, the Executive Director, learning about the Community Center and Casa Brumar’s ambitious plans.

I also got to spend time with some of the people who were there at the event. And a few were kind enough to let me share their stories with you. That’s what the center is about, creating a safe space for our community to gather and be a community. And that’s what this episode is about. Not just the center, but the people who make up the community.

What you’re going to see is a bit of the facility that’s in place now, along with some of the plans for the future, as well as three very different stories that cross the gamut from making you laugh to bringing a tear or two of joy, as well as speaking with a mental health professional about her work. I hope you’ll stick around and join me for the visit.

Evelyn (01:23)
Well come on in, let’s walk in. the first space you’re seeing is the living room area. I wanted to make sure that when you came into our center it wasn’t sterile but it felt like a home. So nice cushy sofas, TV that we can have shows and game nights at.

Also a way to have town halls and community. So w I just wanted to make sure that that was accessible to everybody, especially those who have lost family and lost a sense of feeling home. Hence Casa Home, our center. Your home. This area over here is gonna is our learning facility. we’re gonna be holding a couple town halls and a couple of classes, but the next class is gonna be coming in is a resume class.

But when they’re not being used as a teaching area, it is a way to just set up and detach from the living area. Sometimes we have loud and fun families and we just have to step out because they’re just a little too loud and fun. So this is a way to work textiles with crafts and be in your own space if you want to draw. In this space here is our check in desk. just the eyesight of the front door. But we wanted to make sure we had an LGBTQ queer library here. So we started off with this right here. And it’s all everything from historical to children to fantasy to first story. And I just wanted to make sure that we have books here that represent everybody and every position and every aspect of their lives. We’ll be expanding it, but we have it starting. and a little reading nook too. So that way there’s another area for you if other things are happening too much and we just wanted to be in community but not ready to engage with community too much.

Chaiya (02:58)
I have a story to share regarding my eldest child who when I was born was told that I had a daughter, and that’s what I thought for the first thirteen years of this child’s life. when my eldest was thirteen, he came to me and said, Mom, I’m not your daughter, I’m actually your son, I’m a trans man. I knew that he needed my support and I was committed to supporting him and helping him through his transition. Some of that included social changes, some of that included legal changes, and some of that included physical changes. I helped him start taking testosterone at the age of sixteen, and at seventeen I helped him get top surgery, so it was a double mastectomy. All of my emotions spilled out at that time because it is surgery, it’s major surgery. I understand that there’s issues with anesthesia.

My father is a surgeon, I know all the scare stories, so all of my emotions came out. Luckily he did really well with the surgery and he was sent home 48 hours later. He still had to wear a compression vest for many weeks and he could only shower from the waist down. When we went to our first follow-up with the surgeon post-op, I was told, okay mom, tomorrow you can remove all the bandages and he can have a full shower.

So the next day he removed his clothing, he removed his compression vest, and I was removing his bandages. And then he was in the shower, I started the water and noticed he was crying, and I thought, my goodness, I hurt him when I took the bandages off. That was my first thought. So I asked him, Are you okay? What’s happening? And he was looking down at his new chest for the very first time and saying, Mom, I’m just so happy. I’m just so happy. I’m just so happy. These were tears of joy and euphoria. And I know with a lot of folks who are not of the gender binary, who are gender fluid or gender expansive, we talk a lot about dysphoria. I don’t want to discount the dysphoria. My purpose in s in sharing this video is to talk about a moment of gender euphoria. And as a parent, that was probably the happiest moment I had with my child to date. To know that I helped him achieve something that made him feel more comfortable in his skin, that helped him with his mental health, his physical health, his overall health, the fact that I was able to help. support him in that did the whole and to see his absolute joy and euphoria is probably the greatest gift as a parent that I’ve ever received.

Evelyn (05:36)
So we have a couple community partners. One is gonna be Lunera Health, who has graciously donated this space to us for a few years. They already had it and they were looking for a 501(c)3 to donate the space to. And they found us.

They knew that there was a need in the community. They read our mission statement about how we wanted to have a space, a safe space for LGBTQ people that we make sure that all our needs are being met. And they love that and they know that there’s been a trend where a lot of LGBTQ people, especially our trans community, have not been able to get those needs met. So they wanted to make sure that we were able to accomplish our mission by donating this space to us for a few years.

So we’re gonna on this side, we’re gonna have an office. we’re still finishing it off. One is Lunera Health, which they used to be Prince William Health Centers. This is their office on the community side, and we’re gonna have GMU MAPS which is mental health providers, and this is gonna be their office on the community side. Casa BruMar is gonna have a couple spaces on the other side of the building on this floor where their pride clinic is at for us to be holding events too. So this whole floor.

It’s gonna be a no wrong door floor floor. Anything you need, you’re gonna get it here.

Oliver (06:47)
So this was a long, long time before I realized I was trans. there wasn’t a word for sort of my gender experience for a long time, at least like well known. But when I was four, I went to a Montessori school and I was a very rambunctious child, and there was this set of trees that a bunch of boys were climbing, and so obviously I wanted to climb the tree too because that’s who I was. And they said it’s boys only. So the kind of child I was, if I had been a little girl child, I would have said. Instead what I said was, I’m a boy. And they went, No you aren’t. You have long hair and this and I said, Well my uncle has long hair and he’s a boy and they said, Well how come everyone says you’re a girl? And I was like, and I I made up whole cloth a story about how I’m actually twins and sometimes the girl me is hiding in the coat closet so that the boy me can come out and play because my mom can only afford to send one of us. And and they were like, yeah, well if you’re a boy you have to prove it. And so they devised a test, which was someone was going to pick up a worm and I had to touch the worm. That was how they knew I was a boy and not a girl ’cause girls are too scared to touch worms.

Honestly, honestly, I wish it was that easy today. I wish I could go up to some like I I wish when I was experiencing people being like, you’re not a real man, this or that I could just be like, I’m sorry, but I touched the worm. I believe you’ll find my credentials checkout. And then it turned out much, much later, yes in fact I was a boy.

Linda (08:38)
We’re here with Krista Alborn and Krista you’re a therapist, is that right?

Krista (08:43)
correct. I’m a licensed professional counselor and I work both in Manassas, Virginia and Springfield.

Linda (08:51)
And what kind of counseling do you do?

Krista (08:55)
I do everything, a little bit of both. Kind of imagine it as an umbrella of services that I provide because I see children as young as four and adults teenagers and adults.

Linda (09:09)
And you do gender affirming counseling?

Krista (09:11)
Correct, yes. I provide gender affirming care to people who come through my office, a lot of them being teenagers.

Linda (09:20)
And what does that look like in twenty twenty six? if somebody comes to you and says, I think I might be transgender, what’s that process like when you talk to them?

Krista (09:29)
Just helping them to be able to for a lot of a lot of teenagers, because that’s where I see it the most, it’s for them they have trouble being able to even process at that age. they have an idea of what it is and they understand it to some extent, but they are afraid to let adults and peers and even their family and parents know.

Linda (09:58)
When kids talk to you and I know you can’t talk to me about any s any specific problem I I don’t want to violate anyone’s privacy. But when when they talk to you, what kind of things are they worried about?

Krista (10:09)
They’re worried about their parents finding out. They’re worried about getting kicked out of school. They are worried because some schools do not provide bathrooms that are gender affirming. It’s either labeled male or female. And not to mention the locker rooms with a lot of my middle schoolers. They’re afraid to be able to go and shower, change their clothes when they go to PE.

And these are issues for these children and teens who participate in sports or any school activities, it then becomes not only a matter of safety, security, and fear because of the stigma attached and them being possibly bullied and not treated like any any other kid in the school and I don’t like to use those words, but they just want to be a part of whatever elementary school, junior high school, high school that they go to, attend, but they are being excluded because they can’t come out and openly express themselves and who they are.

They’re struggling to find their identity. They they know who they are deep down, but they are afraid to come out and say, you know, hi, my name is and I am non binary or gay or who they were born to be and they they can’t express that.

Linda (11:48)
This is just a little bit of what’s going on at our center.

There is so much more that Evelyn talked about that there wasn’t time to fit in here. But they have a food and hygiene pantry, they’re planning a maker space, audio video production space, a clothing rack, laundry salon, and barber shop, a learning kitchen, a space for kids when parents are engaged in education or other activities at the center, and more. They’re still building out those parts of the facility, but they should become available over time.

If the Woodbridge, Virginia area is accessible to you you should check them out. For more information on the Casa Brumar Foundation, check their website at casabrumarfoundation.org.

Thank you to Chaiya, Oliver, and Krista for speaking with me. Stories like the ones they shared are a big part of why this podcast exists. If we can put faces to the stories, then we can humanize the discussion. We can help people realize that members of our community, whichever letters they claim, are just people trying to live their lives.

If you would be willing to share your story, I’d be happy to help you tell it. Distance is not an obstacle. We can meet online, and if anonymity is needed, but you still want to share, we can make that happen. I understand that not everyone is in a position to out themselves. Thanks again to Evelyn and everyone at Casa BruMar for inviting me over for the day.